Raise your hand if you are an introvert or a people pleaser.
If you are one (or both) of these things then you know all to well that people take advantage of your kindness and mild (or meek) nature.
Babyyyyy this is NOT OK!
Today I am sharing my 3 tips on how to stop letting people take advantage of you, from one introverted people pleaser (*raises hand*) to another (*you can raise your hand now*).
1. Set boundaries for your time.
You know exactly what you do and don’t want to do. Whenever you get that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach or when you dread answering the phone or text messages from someone, you need to set some clear boundaries.
For me this looks like:
-Not responding to anyone except close family and my husband on Sunday nights
-Writing everything in a calendar and when someone wants to make plans (or tell me to do something for them) I check my calendar first
-If it’s not a “HELL YES” then it’s a “F*** NO” (*shrugs*)
Time is something we can’t get back and as introverts people find it very easy to prey on us and get us to go do things we don’t want to do.
That stops today.
2. Ask for something in return.
Whenever someone asks me to do something for them, I always pause and figure out what I can ask them for in return.
As introverts and people-pleasers we are expected to say “yes, I’ll walk 5 miles to get you a bottle of Smartwater” for nothing in return.
I don’t do that anymore.
ANYTIME, someone asks me to do something and I half-way want to do it, I add my own demands to the table.
As a people-pleaser, my first instinct is to say “Yes!” to everything people as me to do (even if it’s not necessarily something I WANT to do). So now, I ask for something in return.
1 of 2 things will happen when you start doing this:
- The person will want to (and be happy to) reciprocate. THIS is a healthy relationship, or
- This person will be upset and the friendship/relationship can die there because no one has time to be taken advantage of.
3. Distance yourself and seek wise counsel
Sometimes it’s hard to recognize when you are being taken advantage of. Some people make themselves look valuable or like a true friend but they actually are taking from you. Take a day to create a little distance between you and the person.
See if they check on you or contact you about things that are not related to what you can do for them but to actually be friendly.
If you’re an introvert or people-pleaser, I challenge you to speak with a trusted person in your life: a parent, counselor, sibling, spouse, or childhood friend and see how they feel about a person that is in your circle.
My husband constantly lets me know when someone is using me and he’s *almost* always right!
It’s so easy to get taken advantage of now-a-days. Some people don’t even know that they are taking advantage of you (and that sucks), but usually people can sense when someone is easier to manipulate and that is unfortunate.
One thing I will say is that just because a friend asks you to do something does NOT mean that you are being taken advantage of. When you find a “friend” that constantly wants you to do things for them or if you feel like you are constantly stretched beyond your limits, try one of these 3 tips to measure your relationships and then set healthy boundaries for yourself.